New rules

Break ups, heart ache and bad luck: how to deal with a love life crisis like a boss ass bitch.

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One: Don't pick up the phone You know he's only callin' 'cause he's drunk and alone Two: Don't let him in You'll have to kick him out again Three: Don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him

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When I was drunk and close to crying because a boy who I had feelings for was flirting with someone else, my friend said "you need to Dua Lipa this and move on".

We all know the new rules, They're simple enough, but they're not that easy to follow, especially when your feelings are involved.

For clarification, here's the situation: My friend with benefits that I had hope would become something more serious was openly flirting with someone who also knew that we were seeing each other.

Obviously, if there's no official commitment then I've technically got no right to be mad, right?

Well, I did get mad, but not just because I was hurt by his actions and his audacity to do it right in front of me, but I was mad because I began to compare myself to this other girl. In this situation, like any girl would, I got intimidated by this girl's beauty. Everyone constantly talks about how pretty, how funny, and how hot she is, and it's undeniable. I'm usually one of those people; I'm usually the type of person who sees another girl and will hype her up because I feel like all women should feel beautiful and that women should support each other. During this situation, however, I didn't feel like that. Instead it made me feel incredibly inferior. I mean, look at his glow up.

So, considering that I am technically nothing to him, when he asked, I told him that nothing was wrong. I told him that it was fine, and that I was fine, and that word that I was upset was an exaggeration.

I lied because it was easier to hide my emotions than tell him that he hurt me.

Luckily for me, this guy is big on communication, and after swallowing my pride and accepting the fact that I had to move on, I suggested that we should end our FWB arrangement.

I can't lie and say that ending it didn't hurt me. To me, this means that we will never have what we once had, because I know that I wouldn't be able to go back there.

Sometimes the reason why people find it so hard to move on and follow these new rules is because the person that we become attached to in a FWB situation, would actually be the type of person you could see yourself with, and facing the reality that it's not going to happen is a hard pill to swallow.

Ending a friends with benefits relationship also brings light to a new problem: You want to let them know that you're still friends because technically your relationship wasn't just centred around sex, there was also a friendship aspect to it, but it's hard because you're hurt.

I can already hear you saying "if he was really your friend, he wouldn't have done that to you", and you're right. He shouldn't have. But he did, and that's another thing that needs to be considered when thinking about the value of your friendship.

Yeah, these situations are shit and no one should have to go through them, but they happen. This is when we've got to realise that this is life, and things aren't always going to go your way, and you're not always going to get what you want, no matter how hard you try.

Sometimes things happen for a reason, and as cliche as that sounds, it's true. If someone is going to hurt you, then you shouldn't have to have them in your life or hold them at the same high regard as you once did. Yes, accidents happen and sometimes we can overreact or be hurt by minute things, but other times we've got a good reason to be hurt. In my case, even after seeing that, I still tried to defend his actions. Maybe he was drunk? (he wasn't), maybe he really was cold and having her sit on his lap was the only way to warm up? (Also not true). It wasn't until I had other people around me telling me that I deserve better, that I actually realised that maybe I do.

Is it a shame? Absolutely, but it's something that I have to deal with and move on from. People will come and go from your life and it's up to you to decide how much power you're going to give them over you, and it's also up to you to decide when to take that power away.

I've definitely got new rules. From now on, I'm not making any excuses. If something doesn't add up, then I won't just give them the benefit of the doubt. I will think and act with reason and only react when I know the whole story. Overall, I will do what is best for me, and if that means putting an end to something because I'm hurt, then I will.

I've always been scared of becoming that stereotypical girl who brings unnecessary drama into her life, and into the lives of the people she associates with. I've always been the type who wants to break that idea of women, and show men that I'm more understanding than that; that I can handle these sorts of things, and that I know how to separate sex from emotions, and I do. In this situation unfortunately I had hope, because logically I know that a relationship would have been successful should we have gone there. At the same time, in order to move on, I have to forget about that.

I've got new rules, and I plan on following them and becoming better and stronger. I know my worth, and you should know yours too.